Entries from Christmas

  • January 2022
  • Image by Peggy und Marco Lachmann-Anke from Pixabay

    This Week's Quote

    Just a reminder that it's time to toss out any holiday leftovers. Food, yes, but also any relatives still in your house.

    Bette Midler

    Source: Twitter

  • December 2021
  • Image by 8926 from Pixabay 

    This Week's Quote

    If Christmas was invented to benefit capitalists, New Year's Eve was invented to benefit therapists.

    Paul Rudnick

    Source: Twitter

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     Image by ecto1 from Pixabay

    Christmas 2021

    It's Christmas day. Santa brought me a cold.

    This was already a less than cheery holiday for me. In the last five months, my mother passed away, my divorce became final and my brother-in-law received a diagnosis of stage 4 cancer.

    Add in the brand spanking new COVID variant, inflation and my exasperation over the willingness of so many of my countrymen to continue believing in the lies of Hey Mr. Tangerine Man, and, well, let's just say I've been taking to heart those enlightened messages about how happiness at Christmas isn't required.

    I've aimed to leaven my Scrooge-like impulses with a little whimsy. My mask of choice these last weeks features Snow Miser and Heat Miser, two flashy characters from the 1974 Rankin/Bass Christmas special "The Year Without a Santa Claus."

    Unfortunately, so few people have recognized the images that I feel like a 500-year-old. With a cold.

    Today I'm wearing socks I got as a gift last year. They're purple with snowflakes—and rainbow stripes and unicorns.

    It's a lonely Christmas, but thank goodness I have queer whimsy to help see me through.

  • Image by Pixaline from Pixabay 

    This Week's Quote

    Nothing says holidays like a cheese log.

    Ellen DeGeneres

    Source:  Reader's Digest

  • Image:  Facebook

    Seasonal Sins

    Because I have entirely too much German blood in me, I view every holiday as an excuse to gorge on European chocolate.

    Which is why I bought a box of Lindt chocolates at Costco yesterday. After checking out, I looked at my receipt. This collection of mini chocolate Santas and truffles in a uniquely shaped container I'd just purchased? Costco calls it a "Hex Box."

    I'm a lesbian buying witchcraft supplies. At Christmas.

    I bet I'm the talk of Southern Baptists from Bisbee, Ariz., to Sopchoppy, Fla.

  •  

    Image by Denise McQuillen from Pixabay 

    Bark Humbug

    I love dogs.

    The declaration is hardly a surprise, given that I'm a card-carrying lesbian.

    But as I look around during this season of buying, even I think things have gotten out of hand. Or paw. 

    The latest Lands' End holiday catalog warns "Don't fur-get the four-legged friends on your list." Shoppers are encouraged to spend a small fortune on gifts for Fido, including a Christmas sweater, down vest and hooded robe. In my view, any dog forced into a robe on Christmas morning that's designed to make him look like a lobster is within his rights to go roll in something disgusting.

    For the pet who has everything, Trader Joe's is offering advent calendars for dogs and cats, featuring salmon rather than chocolate. How a Newfoundland is supposed to open all those little perforated windows I don't know.

    As canines aren't in the habit of creating wish lists or sending letters to Santa, and it's unlikely that visions of sugar plums dance in their heads, all these products are aimed at humans. They're the ones with the credit cards.

    I absolutely get the desire to spoil a pet. But so many of these products are unnecessary for a dog, and a growing part of our mindless consumerism that harms the planet.

    However, in this season of good will, I'll try to be open-minded. If a Schnauzer comes up to me and says she must see dog wine under the Christmas tree, well, I'll have a word with an elf. But dog cologne, dog nail polish and a bacon bubble blower machine are out of the question.

  • Image by Mystic Art Design from Pixabay 

    This Week's Quote

    There's only one solution to the Santa shortage: tell children that this year they should write their letters directly to Amazon.

    Paul Rudnick

    Source: Twitter

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