Humor about all things LGBTQ

  • December 2021
  • Image by Elf-Moondance from Pixabay 

    The Things You Learn

    I read in a holiday catalog that "The rainbow has symbolized hope since the days of Noah and the flood."

    Why has nobody ever told me that Noah was gay?

  • Image:  Wikipedia

    The Pete Beat

    Recently the hosts of "Fox & Friends" claimed that the Omicron variant was created to help make openly gay Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg president in 2024. The conspiracy theory goes that Democrats want the pandemic to continue for years so that Buttigieg has an excuse for not fixing the supply chain.

    Nuttier than an almond tree grove.

    The Fox fantasy did get me thinking about the possibility of Buttigieg one day becoming president. I believe we're still a ways from the country choosing a gay person for the Oval Office. If the election were held right this minute, not even the Stephen Sondheim sympathy vote would be sufficient.

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    Image by Denise McQuillen from Pixabay 

    Bark Humbug

    I love dogs.

    The declaration is hardly a surprise, given that I'm a card-carrying lesbian.

    But as I look around during this season of buying, even I think things have gotten out of hand. Or paw. 

    The latest Lands' End holiday catalog warns "Don't fur-get the four-legged friends on your list." Shoppers are encouraged to spend a small fortune on gifts for Fido, including a Christmas sweater, down vest and hooded robe. In my view, any dog forced into a robe on Christmas morning that's designed to make him look like a lobster is within his rights to go roll in something disgusting.

    For the pet who has everything, Trader Joe's is offering advent calendars for dogs and cats, featuring salmon rather than chocolate. How a Newfoundland is supposed to open all those little perforated windows I don't know.

    As canines aren't in the habit of creating wish lists or sending letters to Santa, and it's unlikely that visions of sugar plums dance in their heads, all these products are aimed at humans. They're the ones with the credit cards.

    I absolutely get the desire to spoil a pet. But so many of these products are unnecessary for a dog, and a growing part of our mindless consumerism that harms the planet.

    However, in this season of good will, I'll try to be open-minded. If a Schnauzer comes up to me and says she must see dog wine under the Christmas tree, well, I'll have a word with an elf. But dog cologne, dog nail polish and a bacon bubble blower machine are out of the question.

  • Image by Mystic Art Design from Pixabay 

    This Week's Quote

    There's only one solution to the Santa shortage: tell children that this year they should write their letters directly to Amazon.

    Paul Rudnick

    Source: Twitter

  • November 2021
  • Image:  Wikipedia

    Bi Bi Now

    A friend of mine here in Seattle flew to Colorado with her husband and daughters to spend Thanksgiving with her husband's family. Her college-aged daughter, "Emily," is out as bisexual to only the immediate family.

    And that's still true, despite the hints she dropped over the holiday to extended family.

    Emily thought her septum ring, considered part of bisexual culture, might give her away.

    It didn't.

    When the family members baked cookies, Emily frosted hers into rainbows. Then she decorated a cookie with the colors of the bi flag.

    Nothing. 

    As far as she knows, anyway. It could be the moment Emily left Colorado, the cousins erupted in a fervor of speculation.

    While these hints may seem feeble to some, to me they signal exactly where Emily is in her journey. She only recently came out to her parents. While she likes the idea of being out to the larger family, it's still too scary to say it, so part of her hoped the nose bling and fluorescent icing would do the talking for her.

    If at the next family gathering Emily still isn't up to speaking her truth, there's always a less subtle hint she can offer:  a girlfriend.

  • Image:  Facebook

    Curtain Down

    Legendary lyricist and composer Stephen Sondheim, who was gay, died today at the age of 91. He made Broadway history capturing all facets of the human heart, yet Sondheim himself didn't fall in love until he was 60.

    It's the kind of irony he might've written a show around. Or at least a song, and called it "A Funny Thing Happened Sunday in the Park with a Little Gypsy Company."

  • Photo:  Wikipedia

    This Week's Quote

    A Virginia jury today found the main organizers of the deadly 2017 rally in Charlottesville liable under state law for injuries to counterprotesters, awarding more than $25 million in damages. But, of course, there were “very fine people on both sides.”

    Keith Boykin

    Source: Twitter

  • Image:  Facebook

    Speed Racer

    Qatar is busy boosting its international sports profile. The Arab nation will host the 2022 men's soccer World Cup, and last weekend Formula One drivers raced in the inaugural Qatar Grand Prix.

    Which gave Lewis Hamilton, one of the sport's most successful drivers, a chance to send a message in a country where homosexuality is illegal.

    Hamilton sported a helmet during his practice session that bore the colors of the Progress Pride flag. I don't know what the colors looked like at top speed—I'm guessing Jello with an attitude—but there was no mistaking the Briton's intent later when he posted a photo of the rainbow helmet on his social media feeds, along with the words "We stand together."

    Hamilton went on to win that inaugural race. Will I claim his victory proves divine support for his colorful statement? Please—I'm no religious fundamentalist. He's a great driver who needed the win in the overall standings.

    And, just maybe, he felt some extra focus. It could be Hamilton had his head straight after having his head gay.

  • Image:  ACLU

    Nov. 20

    I just returned from a Transgender Day of Remembrance memorial. Seeing the faces of the many trans people killed over the past year in this country, and hearing how they died . . . it's deeply emotional stuff.

    As a result of being ignorant that TDoR is a well-established abbreviation for Transgender Day of Remembrance, I did have one amusing moment this evening. A trans woman was telling me how she used to organize her school's TDoR (pronounced "Tee Door") remembrance, and I misheard her and spent the next few minutes trying to figure out why a community college in Washington state would memorialize bullfighters.

  • Image by Pexels from Pixabay 

    Harris Steps In

    President Joe Biden had a colonoscopy today, and as is customary when a president goes under anesthesia, he temporarily transferred power to his vice president. That made Kamala Harris the first woman in history to serve as president.

    Her term lasted 85 minutes.

    It's a start.

  • Image:  Wikipedia

    This Week's Quote

    I’m as pure as the driven slush.

    Tallulah Bankhead

    Source:  Forbes

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